February 24th, 2004 Yesterday was the anniversary of my dad's death. He died on February 23rd, 1989. His memory was weighing heavily on my mind last night, and I was feeling very sad and missing him. I awoke today to find that Laney Goodman is airing one of the six songs she chose from Old Horses this week for her radio show, Women In Music. The cut she chose? Cut # 4, "Are You Calling", which I wrote about my father. She could not have known the significance this week holds for me. I take it as yet another sign that he's still looking after me and all of those he left behind. February 19, 2004 I visit a web site that's supposed to be about music, but often times turns to political discussion. I hate politics. Politics divides people who should be unified. I have to admit I'm guilty of my own political prejudices. I admit that I've been deeply disappointed when someone I thought really had a mind of their own started spewing left or right wing political rhetoric. There are some people I know who I'm sorry to say, I've lost respect for - because they seemed more concerned with being right than being human. Others have lost my respect because I've watched them sway with whatever popular political wind is blowing. And I've seen people I thought were friends suddenly treat me as the enemy for disagreeing with them. Of course we all think we're right, or we wouldn't believe what we do in the first place. I'm all for having the strength of your convictions - but at what point does that mean closing your mind? I read in an Iraqi blog the other night a metaphor that I thought hit the nail on the head. It said that truth is a pyramid - we can only see one side. But that does not mean there are not other sides to the same truth. We can only see the whole truth when we rise above it - for most if not all of us, that means when this life is over and our spirits rise to a higher place. I hate war. I wish there was some way to go back in time and stop the first caveman who ever figured out he could take his neighbor's meat if he conked him on the head. Mankind has not evolved much in that respect. We just have newer, larger and "cleaner" ways to kill each other. But my hatred of war doesn't mean that I am naive enough to believe that if we'd only lay down our weapons, the whole world would cheer us and follow suit. In today's world, to those who will wage war, a show of capitulance means opportunity for conquering and occupying. As much as it pains me to admit it, there are people in this world who are trained from the moment they're born to hate us. It's a deep, illogical hate - not one you can wash away by a few acts of generosity. The kind of freedom of expression the western world enjoys is seen as evil by those of some other cultures. While we are raised to be tolerant, there are those who are raised to hate and destroy. Yet we would never want to destroy them. When I think of the pictures of the people in foreign lands dancing in the streets on 9/11, it breaks my heart. I can't imagine that there's a single person in this country who would rejoice at the site of a dead woman or child in some foreign, enemy country. American soldiers who were ordered to commit heinous crimes against civilians in wars past still live with the scars of their own evil-doing. There's no glory in it. As Sherman said, "War is all hell". I am a selfish person. I don't ever want to see one of my children in uniform. In my mind's eye, they will always be pre-schoolers, running in the spring grass picking wildflowers. Yet if no one's child is willing to join and defend our land and our principles, all of our children could be pushing up daisies instead of picking them. This is truly a rant, it has no point at all. I guess I'm just lamenting that your average Joe Schmos are at each other's throats over politics, while the politicians themselves make divisive speeches, then pat each other on the back, and head off to the golf course together...while our taxes pay their bloated salaries, which are several times higher than the average American earns. I feel a little lost when I'm in a crowd of cheering flag-wavers. So why do I still get a lump in my throat when I see American soldiers marching off to war? It's not the glory, it's the idealism. It's the belief that if we keep trying, a better way will be found. And those same soldiers will come home and live happily ever after. It's hope.
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