I'm Telling You Now
First of all, I think it's important to note that you're hearing a lady named Jeanne Richardson singing this song, not me. I wish I could sing like that, but since I can't - thank goodness for demo singers.
The truth is, I can't sing this song anyway. It's too emotional for me, because in my head I continue to see the face of the child it was written about.
Recently I watched a special on HBO about middle school students. In the segment about bullies, there was a kid, thirteen years old, who reminded me so much of one of my children. He was big for his age, his skin was in a hormonal rage, he was insecure, he was in pain yet kept saying "I don't care". This child had been abandoned by his father when he was only three, and was not getting along with his step-siblings. His mother offered no hope, saying in essence, "He keeps expecting things to change, and they're not going to".
His teachers were unsympathetic. One mentioned that he observed such a profound loneliness in the boy - yet he implied that it was the boy's fault. The child told the story of seeing his dad at a local store, and his dad walking away from him rather than acknowledging him.
There was a segment in which a group of his classmates offered such observations as "he smells"; "he wears Walmart clothes"; they called him a loser, they called him ugly. One child held up his foot and bragged about how much his own shoes had cost. I wondered if those children's parents were sufficiently ashamed when they saw the segment on t.v., or if they'd encouraged that sense of "privilege" in their children. They were ugly, and it seemed obvious, at least to me, that they were the real bullies. Yet they'd labeled their victim a bully.
This boy felt hopeless, and at thirteen years old it was obvious he didn't expect much of a future.
I couldn't stop thinking about him, and what I wish I could say to him, if I knew him. I cried about it for a few days, and then this song just poured out.
I can't sing it, because it still makes me cry. But I can hope that it will speak to anyone who hears it who might not feel like they fit in, who's feeling lonely or hopeless.
